LiveJournal for Tenacious E.

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Monday, July 26th, 2004

Time:2:30 am.


create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

More just a mental list for myself. I'm a midwest boy, that's for sure.
Comments: View 9 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Thursday, June 3rd, 2004

Time:12:16 am.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/meg_bunny/

Very sad to read. There are times when people wish they were dead so they could have this effect on people. I know I've had thoughts like that before. "They'll miss me when I'm gone. I'll show them."

I suppose it's a way of trying to make someone hurt like they hurt you. Well, looks like it works. Too bad it's selfish and cowardly. I hope the girl doesn't feel responsible for his actions. That would be even more heartbreaking.
Comments: View 1 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004

Time:10:00 pm.
Sigh. I'm done. If anyone wants to interact with me in anyway, then they're going to have to initiate it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one who ever wants to talk or make phone calls or do anything. It's one-sided, and if it can't be two-sided, then there just won't be any fucking sides.
Comments: View 12 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Time:12:38 am.
My bioanthropolgy teacher is a mix between Jeremy Piven and Weird Al Yankovic. Except not entertaining or funny.

Ah, hooray for the Indiana Pacers. At least they're making me happy now, though will likely eventually let me down. They're just like most the women I've known!
Comments: View 8 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Friday, May 7th, 2004

Time:12:27 am.
Hello, I am alive.

My apologies for the sudden disappearance. I was attempting to live a life away from technology. It went pretty well. Though I'm back now, thanks mainly to growing rather attached to someone with an addictive personality and great hips.

But, I now turn back to the journal in my time of need. I hadn't felt the urge to post because I haven't had any reason to. This was always my place to go to rage or to get my repressing emotions out. I haven't needed to do that in a long time because, hey, I've been pretty happy. At least up until the past few weeks.

Maybe I just get seasonally depressed. There isn't any cause I can place for my sudden downturn, though maybe it's because of smaller things adding over time. I rarely see my friends now due to all of us working so much and having conflicted schedules. I've used my phone for a total of about 20 minutes over the past three weeks, and as solitary a soul as I am, I miss being able to hear familiar, soothing voices and musical laughs.

Perhaps I still have some issues from Sarah. Shit, I know I do. When someone tells you that they love you, and reassures you that they won't ever stop talking to you or lose contact, then proceed to do exactly that... It's a terrible blow that I thought I got over, but realized I haven't.

I've been taking out those issues on someone else who I've gotten close to. I fucking hate myself for doing that. They don't deserve to have my hangups put on to them. I try to not read into things, but I still do. I assume the worst of everything and jump to fucking stupid conclusions. I will not do this any more. Not only does it hurt them, but it just ends up lowering my self-esteem. Hell, I've been stressing myself out so much the past couple weeks over school and work and relationships that I've put myself into a pretty bad funk. I think I've slept about 12 hours over the past four days and I know I haven't had anything to eat besides a chicken sandwich (the lunch meat type) and some cereal for the past two days.

This is my release. Fuck it. I do matter. Just because I'm not constantly reassured all the time doesn't mean anyone thinks less of me. I was more confident over the past few months than I can ever remember being before. That confidence didn't lead me astray. Hell, it got me a date with a girl who I've always wanted to take out since nearly the moment I started talking to her. (Who, by the way, I am still not going to let pay for her ticket!)

How are you?
Comments: View 11 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Monday, November 10th, 2003

Time:2:00 am.
I had no idea that the phrase "nothing gold can stay" was from a Robert Frost poem.

I wish I had some talent in poetry. Or that I could actually find the old poems I wrote a couple years ago.

I'm also very diissapointed that I haven't found a critic who interpreted "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" as being about Santa Claus. I mean, c'mon, it clearly is!

I also herby make a petition that more poems be about Santa.
Comments: View 2 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Saturday, November 8th, 2003

Time:11:04 pm.
My father is now out of the hospital after the colonostomy or whatever surgery it was. Lemme tell you, he was telling me about tubes in places I don't even wanna think about. I don't think I could ever, ever deal with that. But eh, he's fine besides that.

I wanted to go see Elf tonight, but it was sold out. At 7:20. And I got there at 7. So rather than wait around for the next showing, I decided to see if Matrix Revolutions was playing. It was at 7:15, but that was also sold out. Having my plans dashed, I returned home. Where I am now, with shit to do.

I'm feeling rather anti-social too, so eh. I guess I'm going to fire up a game or start up iTunes.
Comments: View 3 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

Time:2:16 am.
Ah, hell. Why not?

I'm trying to get all my Livejournal friends' locations plotted on a map - please add your location starting with this form.
Username:
(Then get your friends to!)


I also bought a new digital camera, since my old one went kaput. Just another thing I bought to put me further in debt. I'd ask for requests, but nobody wants to see my ugly mug.
Comments: View 6 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Thursday, October 2nd, 2003

Time:6:42 pm.
<td bgcolor="#000000">Your Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Astrological Sign</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Angel Type</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Angel of Inspiration</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Wing Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Black with silver tips</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Heavenly Weapon</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Flaming sword</td></tr>
Afterlife as an Angel by childdoll
Created with quill18's MemeGen!


Okay, I'm an Angel of Inspiration, and that's one thing I lack. Oh well. I also guess I inspire people with my flaming sword.

"Hey, fuckers! Get inspired before I shove this flaming sword up your asses!"

Eh, it works.
Comments: jibba jabba, fool!.

Sunday, September 28th, 2003

Time:2:35 am.
Cubs win! Cubs win!

That's my team, baby. I can't wait until Tuesday.
Comments: jibba jabba, fool!.

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

Time:12:18 am.
I've discovered what genre my writing tastes go for. Well, besides humor anyway. Humor's what I'll always be best at... but! I believe that I tend to fall on the gothic sides of things.

No, I'm not talking about that "life is black/it is a torture rack" stuff. That isn't gothic literature, it's really more like angst-ridden poetry. No no. I mean gothic in the literature meaning of the words, and not just Poe or Lovecraft, but in Shakespearean and Stevenson and Ellison and Brabury ways. In fact, those writers seemed more capable than the first since they could break out of the gothic mold... anyway, yes. Gothic in the sense that "something's really wrong here, but we have no idea what it is."

I've always been inclined to write stories with unexplained situations or such. My problem, I think, has been that I've always felt the need to explain everything. So having read more stories, I see that explanations aren't always good. Sometimes it's best to leave things to the imagination of the readers. So hm... I'll have to experiment with this.
Comments: View 4 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003

Time:12:38 pm.
In my dreams last night, the Cubs were being assaulted by an opposing team. I think it was the Reds. They were playing dirty so the Cubs couldn't win the division.

Even my dreams predict doom for them. This is horrible.
Comments: View 1 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Monday, September 22nd, 2003

Time:11:11 pm.
Hm, let's see. I'm thinking that I can add one more to the list of people who said they would keep in touch with me but haven't done so.

No e-mails? Check.
No phone calls? Check.
Number disconnected? Check.

I swear, my relationships with people have a lifetime of about a year before they are completely and utterly demolished. It's really fucking annoying.

I remain highly interested in seeing how this week turns out. If my Cubbies go to the playoffs, I can then breathe a bit easier. However, if they somehow lose out a playoff spot to the fucking Astros, I may just have to go to Wrigley Field and hang myself off of one of the flagpoles over the center field scoreboard.
Comments: View 3 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Monday, September 15th, 2003

Time:10:57 pm.
Man, I am so stupid. I think that I just need to stop attempting to be social and everything. Nothing good ever comes from me trying.

And damn, I am one jealous bastard. I believe I need to work on that.
Comments: View 4 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Time:1:28 am.
Hello, I am not dead, nor did I run away to live in Vegas. It's an okay place, but not my cup of tea. That and that damned Let it Ride game. Yeah, okay, just get me addicted to gambling when I swore up and down I would never do it.

Anyway, I've been ill the past few days. Going back further, another semester begins, and my motivation to being writing grows. I will not and cannot do a regular job. Just having the one I'm at is slowly killing my will to do anything. I called off today for the first time in a year, and that time was only because I had to go to the ER because of kidney stones.

At the moment, I seem to be clenching my teeth. Usually this is because of stress, and some of it may be. Although at the moment I feel extremely angry and hurt. I don't suppose I can pin the feelings on one event or person, but rather it's all just a combination of things not going my way for the past, oh... year. It all just seems to weigh on me and bring me down to the point where I just want to become a giant bum and take residence in my parents' basement where someone will find my wallet and say I didn't do much of anything because I smoked too much pot. Er, wait, that was just a commercial I saw. I don't do drugs anyway. My own laziness is enough to have me not do anything.

My, this is certainly a rambling, incoherent entry. I blame it on being sick. I also blame it on playing Gollum's Song over and over. So, uh, yeah.
Comments: jibba jabba, fool!.

Monday, July 28th, 2003

Time:12:03 am.
You know, for the longest time I've been saying that I will never, ever, ever, ever have my colon tested when I turn 40. Or anytime afterward. That's exit only down there, and no place for fingers!

But then, this past week, my dad had a ruptured colon. This all happened while he was out of town with my mom, sister, and nephew. So he was holed up in Eerie, Pennsylvania for about five days. There's a six inch incision above his navel, which is now sewn up, and a two inch incision below, which is still open. Ew. A nurse will need to come over twice a day to clean it. Plus, they've sewn up his ass and given him a colostomy bag to wear for three months.

All that most likely could have been prevented by getting tested regularly. He said he only did that test a couple times. So yes, I now have 17 years to get over my thing of not letting doctors (or anyone else) stick their fingers up my butt.

At any rate, at least they caught that in time. If they had waited to get to a hospital, things could have been much worse.
Comments: View 7 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Tuesday, July 15th, 2003

Time:11:49 pm.
Grr. So I didn't get to see the OLP show. It's been a crappy week. Talk to me, people.
Comments: View 7 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Friday, July 4th, 2003

Time:11:54 pm.
And on an aside, do you think someone's sleep schedule is fucked up when they're going to bed at 5am and getting up at 2pm? And that they think noon is too early?

Yeah, me too.
Comments: View 11 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Time:11:41 pm.
Grah! Why do I not post much? I'm lucky that anyone keeps friending my dumb journal's ass.

I have reached the point of summer where I have become broke. This Sunday I went to see Dave Matthews Band for the fifth time. I wasn't too impressed with the set list, but I did get to hear "Grey Street" and "#41". The latter is my uttermost favorite DMB song, so hey, I'm a happy camper.

Next week I will attend a 3 Doors Down concert. Not to see them though, oh no, but to see Our Lady Peace, who are opening. I've been wanting to see OLP for about five years now, so this makes me one excited Evan. Now if Big Wreck would ever get their asses to this area, I can go see them, finish my list of bands I want to see perform, then kill myself.

Harum. My social life goes poorly. I realize it's been over a month since I last called a girl who I thought had some interest in me. But a few unreturned phone calls has sent me another message: They don't give a fuck. Ah, just one of the stories of my life. And to get on the verge of becoming angsty here, where in the world are all the women around here? I notice them at school, but anywhere else, and it's just a vacuum. Perhaps I should just go frequent the coffee shops around here.

You know, I'm really pretty guarded about my feelings and about my social life here. I think I still hold a lot back for fear of something. Maybe for fear of people who read this thinking I'm some big loser? Or maybe because I just don't like painting myself in any light that's so negative to my ego or image. This must stop. From now on, I will spare nothing! Ha ha! Prepare to hear all about my trysts and torrid affairs!

Well... if I ever have any, that is.
Comments: View 8 or jibba jabba, fool!.

Friday, June 20th, 2003

Time:9:55 pm.
All right, here goes. I've been extremely lazy and have had nothing going on. I've been spinning my wheels attempting to both write and draw. So this really has nothing to do with that.

To anyone I haven't talked to in a while, or my newer friends who have never left me a comment or received on, ask me a question here.
Comments: View 45 or jibba jabba, fool!.

LiveJournal for Tenacious E.

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